Being discovered is a click away to a quick escape to a
disjointed existence before dusk’s rays, and dawn’s gaze.
That’s my work-sleep schedule, respectively.
Truthfully, I’ve gotten more used to it than anything.
It’s a comfort level that I couldn’t escape even if I tried,
but that’s besides the point. That’s not who am I.
She’s a sweet girl, innocent, and I’m pretty sure she’d love me,
and she’d learn to accept what my mind can’t accept of thee; that
I’m not who you want, and both our visions will always disappoint.
Here’s an example of how I think it all will go down:
You reach across the counter to pour milk in your coffee,
and to mimic what you do next, I stir a spoon in my orange juice.
You immediately take notice, and smile at this oddity.
I notice that you noticed, and smile at what I just achieved.
Never bothering to ask if that seat’s taken, I take the seat
next to you, I don’t know why, I guess I’m hoping for a lightning strike; it
wouldn’t be the first time. I’m notorious for creating clouds, and all of my
life’s analogies seem to be about being struck after forming bonds in little time.
^I can do this on repeat, and all day in my dreams, and even in reality, where
nothing holds me back but me, but I’ve got no problem with what I see, because
simple joys are all I need; a dark room in the A/C, where the screen’s always kept lit.
Here’s an example of how I know it will all come crashing down:
She’ll say, the difference between you and me is
when you’re told that the end of the track lies ahead,
you still get on the train. Why? What do you stand to gain by staying aboard?
And I’ll say, a few more moments with you,
until you get off at whatever station you so choose.
My presto logs only burn blue, no longer caring to
hit eighty-eight, and happily into the ravine go.
Maybe they’ll rename it after me, and change the course of our history,
seeing as all I really hope for is that you never sulk in the memory
of that which you could’ve had, and ended up with, but it couldn’t be.
Here’s an example of how I choose to write it all down.