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Eclipse

I feel like we never really talk.

You read the above as if it wasn’t meant for you.

You’re still doing it. Stop.

Not everything is an indecipherable combination of words, filled with references you don’t necessarily get, or maybe half get, but there’s never any context, so everything reads like something trying its hardest to be poetic, but it only ends up confusing, possibly confirming your suspicions that perhaps you really don’t know anything about me. A year ago, when this site was officially founded, I thought I needed to change that. I thought I needed to be more open, but instead I only fell back, further into myself, and used this site as the outlet to express the things I’ve always wanted to say, I’d never say, and yet, have always said.

That wasn’t fair to you.

Instead of talking to you, I talked at you.

Sometimes, I even talked for you.

The truth is, I don’t even know my own voice, and that’s despite having it be on display in three different places; four if you count in-person, though you’d be forgiven for forgetting, given how inconceivable that paradox’s parallel is. So who am I to question how you choose to read this? That’s easy. I’m no one. I’ve been saying that all along, but I guess it’s finally settled. This doesn’t have to be your legacy in regards to me. That honor lies only in your heart, mind, and memories. I hear it’s nice there, but I’ve never bothered to visit, because I feel unwelcome unless you’ve got your arms out, so I just remain here.

Have you got all of your answers?

No?

Well, let me help.

Consider this a year-in-the-making disclaimer: this site is a journal. The words are internal, and external, and every other kernel of information I see fit to include on my journey, that you’re all a part of, even when you don’t want to be. You have no say in that. You could be passing by, and not even trying to make an impression of any kind, but that’s irrelevant, because before you leave my sights, I’m already writing down everything. It’s a future imperative to never forget where you came from or where you are. I couldn’t do either even if I tried, and trust me, I’ve tried, but these blog posts will never let me live it down.

If you don’t get something, all you have to do is ask.

Your answer will hopefully await you next time we talk.

I hope it’s sooner rather than later, but I’d understand if it’s not.

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